A Sunday Evening Hello ~4

October 26, 2014

Our Sunday Night Hello from NYC…

The winners were being announced as Penelope and I attended our first official event here in NYC, The Inwoof Halloween Contest. Cute little Daisy with the leather cap and pirate sweater didn’t win in the judges eyes, but Penelope sure caught the attention of Daisy’s. How can a dog not like any other kind of dog breed but Cavaliers? Can they really tell the difference? Daisy evidently can and if she were a judge, she would of chosen Penelope, who came as herself, for she had outgrown her bee costume from last year. Most of the dogs had shed their costumes by the time the prizes were given and soon after, we were off running out the gate, straight over to the farmer’s market. Penelope’s prize was soon found as she carried around a shrunken green something or other. Her prize might have been an apple I would guess, but there are so many strange vegetables I don’t recognize that it could of easily been anything.

The kid, Miss Penelope, is being real easy on me. She is starting to signal her need for a bathroom break in ways that I am starting to take notice. I caught her sitting by the front door all nice and dainty, doing all she could, but clear her throat, to tell me to come on mom, time to go! Like right now licking my hand as I’m trying to type and playing with her pawsies on the keyboard as I bat it away, then she immediately puts it right back thinking its a game. There comes a time in the evening when I can’t put off taking Penelope out for her “nigh, nigh pee” or I just get too grumpy and it is way too quiet on the streets. If I try to wait as long as I can at night, then her morning pee time is not so urgent to where I can do my business before she needs to go. See, it’s all about timing. It sure is different raising an apartment dog over our days of spoiling with a doggie door and a backyard.

A couple of nights ago, no sooner had we stepped out from our entryway onto the sidewalk, there they were, a silky white schnauzer and a young man hidden beneath his baseball cap. Both of us were wrapped up in our dark blue sweat jackets doing the last pit stop of the day with our kids. I soon got to know him as Marcus. We walked and talked as he shared all sorts of good advice about winter care for Penelope with the salt and snow hazards for her paws and how I should get myself a pair of Uggs. He swears by his pair. He also suggested a trail for us right past the train station that takes you alongside the East River where Bette Midler supposedly put a boat house. Is all we have to do is just keep walking two blocks past the best all around pizza place,(he has known of them and their pizza since he was 3!) and the path is right there. 

I came to learn that Marcus works with private clients who have autistic teens, as a teacher, helping(change behaviors) to prep them for public schools. Two of his clients one being Robert De Niro’s son, Elliot and another who wrote a book about autism and was invited to the White House to meet President Obama. Even though he lives in a building behind us, he walked us back and no sooner did he appear, he disappeared. I turned to look back, no sign of them anywhere. I thought about all the unique people I am meeting and he definitely is one of them. By the way, we tried out the trail today. I can’t get over how I can walk a few blocks in any direction just about and land at different parks where there are plenty of woodsy type trails. A comment I made upon my last day in Arizona was that I hoped to find a place to live that is by a park. Well…who knew…4 parks!

One of Penelope’s NY essentials was put to the test. The roar of the trains, the enclosure of the black little case, and the rocking back and forth as I carried her, didn’t seem to jar Penelope as I took her on her biggest adventure yet since we’ve been to NY. It was her first subway ride. I have been biting at the bit ever since I bought that carrier to officially use it. Poor Peeps, with all I have put her through and will continually, I’m sure of. Anyway, like a proud momma, I continue to take pictures of all her firsts. 

Penelope came along as I revisited the Upper West Side(UWS), strolling along 89th street to Riverside Park, down along the Hudson, conversing with the ladies who attend the community garden and others, as I gazed back in time, reminiscing from my first visit here. A different feel, not as a star struck lover, as I once was, but more as if it all is becoming a part of me now. Some of the places we passed by, being just as they were, etched in my memory, others as if looking into and through a completely different lens. My heart leaped with bounds of joy and pride of our accomplishment as I walked and carried Miss P about.

I’m still wide eyes with wonder as cute lil tykes conversations continue on the cross town bus ride. This last one was about how many times a day this little guy believes he cries. Holding up, four fingers he said, ”Maybe I cry this many times a day. I skip my cry, if I cry 1, I don't cry 2 or 3 and I cry 4.” His nanny gave him a look as if saying are you sure that’s all? I actually rode on a bus where the driver had to tell people at the stop to wait for the next bus. We were too full AND It was! I had to giggle out loud one day, when our bus became a dam in the middle of the 5th Ave. intersection, with miles of cars and taxi’s jammed up honking like mad on one side and looking over my other shoulder at the open glory of 5th Ave. These buses must have an invisible bumper guard all the way around them. The way these huge boats maneuver through tight spaces and streets is miraculous. I just sit back and enjoy the ride.

I’m finding which part of the train platform to stand on that will get me a good seat on the train, quickest direction to walk getting out of the subway, how to stand in a line during rush hour times in order to load a bus, timing the walk signal at intersections for crossing the streets, to how much to load on my Metro Card for the week, all in all as others move about robotically, I just keep my light shinning while enjoying the rhythm of the big city.

Learning how to navigate your way through and in NYC is like an obstacle course, maybe not for the faint of heart, but as with anywhere, you listen and get a feel for the language of it, marvel at its magnificence, and you will find innumerable treasures all around. Yes, I’m still finding my “Pennies from Heaven”, meeting new people and filling up my calendar with events that pop up. The following week coming up is a big week for me as more things keep popping up. Everyday presents new possibilities, new adventures…even to having cocktails and dinner with a group of women after work one night this week. The newness of NYC is wearing off, but the thunder in my being is loud and strong knowing that as this moving into the city chapter closes the next one is already beginning.

The phone calls, messages, and new connections are so appreciated, even the calls I get with tears from missing me, just know sometimes your goodbyes leave me in tears too.

Big hugs and doggy kisses from NY,

Jane and Penelope

A Sunday Evening Hello ~3

October 19, 2014

Hello from New York,

Today is the first day where the feeling of winter crept into my mind. A day where you follow the sun on whatever side of the street it is, for in the shade, it is burrrrrrr!! I sure hope that my body has been baked from all those years in the Arizona sun so that when winter hits, steam will rise! 

We have a doorman, well unofficially we do. He usually skirts around us when we are going through the door as he holds it open, but yesterday Penelope decided to surprise him. As we passed by, she jumped up on him from behind to say her “Hello” and he jumped, only the other way. I think she made a friend. For the first time ever, he took us up in the elevator. I had to chuckle when Penelope started to lick the back of our doorman's leg all the way up to the 5th floor!

Just earlier in the week, on one of those mornings where Penelope was in need of her red rubber boots from an earlier rain shower, summer came once again with the remembrance and feel of Arizona. Clear skies, warm soft breeze, no need for a sweater weather, just a perfect day for a morning dog walk. Watching the leaves, like twirling stars, showering down from above, falling right in front of us…magical. With each gentle breeze, glittering in the sunlit rays, dew drops perfectly round, streaming down in strings of translucent drops breaking open upon the ground from the trees…magical. 

An early evening venture out walking, found us in an entrapment of two skunks! Tottering about, doing it’s nightly scavenging, Penelope took notice and lunged forward with eager excitement to do her little dance, only to find mom, holding her back, as the bushy tail of one stood straight up. We tried to take a little detour around, only to find another! No, no sprays, at least this time. I do think they are quite acclimated to people at the park, which they call home in this GREAT big city. We stood still as they gradually wandered off. Yes, I giggled, then too. It was only the evening before when Penelope lunged forward wanting to do her greeting dance, I’m sure, but this time it was for a rat, scurrying across the sidewalk, out from the drainage of the gutter. Welcome to city life!

It amazes me how I can walk around NYC and manage to not get hit by a car, run into someone, or trip and fall. I love looking around taking it all in. There is so much to notice, like pennies! I do not know how it happens for out of the blue, my eye catches a penny, right down below in front of me. It never fails and always happens most unexpectedly when my head is far off somewhere thinking, gazing about and sure enough a penny shows up. I find myself giggling about that too. I’ve gathered a pocketful since I’ve arrived. 

I was walking up 61st street on my way home, admiring the beautiful brownstones, when I found one of those pennies. A door to a brownstone, opened up for a delivery as I passed by and what I saw inside took my breath away! The most phenomenal home from my glance, so rich and picturesque. This little spot in all of NYC was worth easily, millions of $. Knowing that there are a lot more spots like those filled with millions of $, amazed me thinking about those places were all here in one city. Just like the thought I have of all these little boxes, stacked on top of one another, with people living in them. Yes, I'm in one of those boxes for now. 

Can I tell you that I love the sound of the subway trains! I love the rush of the express trains going by on the middle tracks, as I wait on the platform for the 1 train, pookie 1 train. Makes your heart speed up! Not as bad as the sound of nails scrapping on a chalkboard but a pretty awesome roar of steel! I saw a great act of kindness as I was leaving the subway on my way to catch the bus, when a man helped a lady who's bag got caught in the sliding doors, push it through. Those doors have the claws of a death grip!

I still enjoy being serenaded by Barbra, needing to join in occasionally, as I dance about in my own artistry preparing myself for work. Thoughts of what to wear, bio to write for a job, finishing touches to add as my room which is slowly evolving to express the sanctuary of me, all floating in and out in between the lyrics. The lyrics still linger with me even as I write on the subway, using my Notepad App on my phone. Thoughts… transposing, emptying, expressing the inner workings of my mind, demanding to be purged out into words, in accompaniment with the Jane, that oversees the details of my life. Sometimes I am astounded by the passing of time, with wonderment, when the words cease. “Where am I?” Only to find the scenery has changed, as I reconnect to my body. 

This has been a week of making a new friend(a singer, an opera singer), settling further into the rhythm of a schedule, doing my first loads of wash, being completely unpacked, submitting a Bio for a job, and running into a couple of NYC creatures that come out when the sun is fading. Oh, and adding some amazing opportunities to my calendar of events(Literary Agent Panel & Open House at Random House) plus a concert at Subculture(Break of Reality), all coming up in November, just the beginning of all the new changes arising.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs,

Jane and Penelope

A Sunday Evening Hello ~2

October 12, 2014

Hi Family & Friends,

I feel like I am slowly gathering twigs and such, building my own little nest (niche) here, week two, in New York City. I’m often sometimes startled by my surprise reaction when I catch myself taking a look out the window…it’s like stepping into a scene in a movie, only it’s your movie and realizing where you are, that you are really here. It is so surreal at times, magical even, like waking up from a long dream and being where you belong all along. Reminds me of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, looking for home, clicking her heals, and awaking to the home that was inside her all along.

New York inspires me to write with streams of thoughts flowing through my mind all the time. I wish I had a plug into them, for a download, that would quickly dictate it all out onto a page, flowing seamlessly into a beautiful story. My first week here, the subway would be gently rocking me back and forth with my eyelids becoming very heavy, finding it hard to stay awake for the trip ride home. This week, is all I do is have amazing conversations in my head that I wish I could capture and read over later. 

The subways can get pretty crammed full at times and I don’t know if its better to be sitting down or the one standing up. Front view or butt view, right there at your eye level. Oi, something I just need to get used to. I try not to let pervy thoughts creep up into my mind but they always do. I often wish that I was on the express train running on the track in the middle. It never fails to out race the train I’m on every time. Weirdest thing watching through the window at the other people right along side you all of a sudden become one big blur when your train slows down for the next station. 

My travels this week from work have brought me back into a complete circle with places I’ve been longing for and haven’t thought about until I’ve arrived there. I’ve had some moments of sentimentality getting onto the platform at 86th street where I used to ride the subway everyday the last time I was in NY. I remember it like it was just the other day with the blue barriers, three turnstiles, and the bench to the right where I would often sit as I waited for the train. A very nice feeling, joyful in a sense, knowing though that, that girl then, had NO idea she would be back but on the other side of the tracks(so to speak), not for a visit but to stay, amazes me. Walking down 18th street on my way to my most FAVORITE bookstore in the whole wide world, made my eyes fill with tears that I didn’t want anyone to see. I wanted to absorb them before I stepped foot inside. I had a Cinderella moment, the first time I was in this bookstore a couple of years ago, like stepping into the ball, where everything I’ve dreamt of, all came together at once. Here I was again, feeling my heart skipping in joy knowing that I am back and can come back as often as I like. I LOVE, Books of Wonder! It reminds you of A Shop Around the Corner, from the movie, “You’ve Got Mail”. It is completely a bookshop all for kids. Old and new books line the shelves, signed by the actual authors themselves. This is a place where I can completely express myself and all that I love in one, Books and Kids! 

Oh my God! The cutest little tyke was waiting at the Lincoln Center bus stop along side me, singing The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round, circling his arms all in motion with his song. I could of just grabbed him and lifted him up into the air with a great big hug! Little blue jeans with pockets as big as he was, so darn cute! We rode all across Central Park, past the Central Park Zoo, up to Madison Avenue together. Priceless! I do say the kids in Midtown New York are all priceless! They are so chipper, well mannered, bright little stars that brighten my day, always. Such a different culture here and it changes dramatically from each neighborhood to the next. One thing for sure is that the people here, their faces light up with the slightest “Hello” and they ALWAYS greet you back. 

Penelope is still enjoying her walks, and yes, she has had to wear her little red rubber boots, just yesterday, for her morning pee. She’s a champ and I am enjoying having her here with me very much. She’s a perfect city dog not only for her size but she’s quiet, eager to say “Hi” to all the dogs along the way, rarely lifts her head from the inundation of good smells, and has learned to ignore people in general(people here like their space from dogs), and has learned the dog courting dance with other dogs. The dance goes…I see you, I am going to head right over to you, here I come, pulling hard, but wait, pause, head down, noses sniff, then the twirl begins as each take a quick sniff of the others behind, then separate and off to other smells nearby, totally disinterested as the dog walk continues. We’ve been serenaded at the park from Tucker’s dad, who was in the Phantom of the Opera, and didn’t hesitate to give me his whole resume, without missing a beat, to another man who was in Guys and Dolls, which played in Phoenix. We’ve meet so many people, mainly dog walkers, like me, chatting away as our dogs quickly become disinterested and have ended their dance, eager to continue exploring on. I’ve been invited to join inwoof.com while out on our morning stroll today, from a very nice woman, with her dog, Toby. She said they often get together with their dogs for events and just to meet up. I do have to say, that New York is a very dog friendly city. People are either walking in a hurry, pushing baby carriages or strollers(many are nanny’s), or walking their dogs. The Upper East Side and Midtown are the places to live if you have a dog, I believe. Dogs there are welcomed in most stores. I haven’t been in a store where a dog hasn't been.

Enjoy the pictures from this weeks outings. So many changes coming up and I may even have my very first visitor! Yeah!!! Just in time for the Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade! I always said I was going to that some day! Well….

Love and Miss you all!

Jane & Penelope

A Sunday Evening Hello ~1

October 5, 2014

Hello!
Having my first weekend here off was so needed for a recharging even though I can’t say I took advantage of that. Saturday’s must was a visit to the Farmer’s Market in the pouring rain giving my (EB)rain trench an initiation with the New York weather. It worked famously with only my calves down a wee bit drenched. The bell peppers had an aroma like none you have ever smelled. Carrying off with my treasures after saying ado to some wonderful friendly vendors, I set foot for my first grocery shopping experience, a new library card, and some red rubber dog boots at a local Furry Friends store knowing I had a bladder filled dog at home waiting for her morning walk. 

Upon arriving at home to the chipper bark on the other side of the door, I couldn’t wait to show Penelope her new boots. She took to the boots with NO care in the world! I was shocked how easy it was as we squished squeaked our way to the elevators. Now it took her a few days, with me having to drag her, with all four paws not budging, into the elevator. So these boots where a piece of cake. Penelope is such a sport adjusting to her city life. Thank goodness it was only lightly raining as we headed out for a spot for her to pee.

Can you picture me pulling a mini shopping cart(like luggage on two wheels) down the city streets, up and down stairways, through the security gates at the subway? Well, I’ve acquired one. Becoming a New Yorker slowly but surely. After looking at my loot at the check out later that day, all the way in East Harlem at the Target store, I knew I needed one to help me get back home. I enjoyed this venture even though I was a bit tuckered from my morning, at least it wasn’t raining any more. Had a nice tour on the bus of Harlem, past the Apollo theatre, cross town to the only Target in Manhattan, and yes, two trains later, all for a laundry basket and a few essentials. Then to do it all in reverse.

I’ve meet so many interesting and really helpful people…from a nice man, while waiting for a bus back, after putting my car in storage the day I moved in, gave me the run down on the Metro cards. A dog walker introducing me to the rubber boots for Penelope, on a drizzling day at the park, of where to purchase them. An owner of Pizza Hero’s who giggled at me when I wanted to pay with a debit card and they only took cash. He knew I was new to the hood and began to tell me all about it while sharing pictures with such joy, over the house he is building back at home in Greece. To a train rider who showed me how to use the security gates from that grocery cart experience. Many others, even a woman on the elevator, who is a dog walker that lives on the third floor, volunteering to walk Penelope any time. 

As for today, my intention was to finishing unpacking and get more organized but I was distracted with an urge to do more exploring. We took a long stroll with Penelope at Inwood Hill Park, stopped for hot tea (Many of the stores here are so pet friendly!), another pet store visit to learn about the Halloween dog parade the neighborhood has, talking to my bff on the phone, to writing to all of you while listening to my new Barbra CD. I hope this eases your minds for some of you in your thoughts about how I am doing, adjusting, and getting along. Now that my feet are wet “so to say” at work, this coming week will be busier. I will post pictures when I can.
Love to you ALL! Miss you.

Big hugs and doggy kisses,
Jane & Penelope

My Dearest Love and Best Friend

When I turn away, turn me back around. 
When I try to leave, keep me in your heart. 
If I react and say things, know I am only speaking to myself. 
If I push, step back so that I remember to fall into your arms. 
If I fight, just look into my eyes and tell me you love me anyway. 
Sometimes I forget who I am, and in those moments you remind me... Remember.

Love..it expands beyond the illusion and never dies. 
I have never invisioned my life without you ever. 
I couldn't fathom that thought into reality. 
No riches, no material goods could ever take the place of the love I sustain for you. 
I knew when I first heard your voice in prayer...that's her.

I fell to my knees thanking God for you with such joys. 
Now I'm on my knees with gratitude and in the greatest despair of my life.

I believe in love, love with another. 
Life without it just isn't gratifying or fufillling, pretty lonely and hard with no one to share in lifes vast journey. 
Geese fly in groups in V formation because it is easier then flying alone.

Love is the Power to change the world. 
Where you learn how to come together in partnership, feel cherished and supported thru commitment. Yes, that kind of love takes work, that love can make quantum leaps to fulfill each others destiny.

So if you ask if I am ok? 
I never invisioned my life without you.
I wish I could say I choose you, our egos are having a party with this heart break. 
But I didn't choose you. 
You were already chosen for me, we just had to hang on.

God wouldn't be disappointed would he? 
I always thought twin flames join to become ONE.

In these moments when you forget who you are, I will remind you and look into your eyes to tell you, I love you.

I love you!

A Stubborn Love

I have a stubborn love for you. 
The kind that makes me scream, 
makes me mad, 
makes me want to shake some sense into you, 
shake some sense into me. 

A stubborn love that has me envisioning
holding you at night until I fall asleep, 
and making a wish for you while looking up at the stars. 
Just a plain ol' stubborn love 
that let's go enough so forgiveness 
and healing can be shared. 

I love you. 
I don't want to not like you. 
I do think this stubbornness wins out in love
for I do not want any harm to ever come to you, 
especially not from me. 

I just need you to live life the best way you can,
feel joy that moves you to desire more, 
more of you, more of love, 
more from life,
more then we've shared,
more then I have given you,
Because I have a stubborn love for you.

What "HOME" Means to Me

“Home is the people you are with.” When I heard this today, it made me bawl…well, it did. I instantly felt a connection to those words. I felt a deep intense knowing that described me to a tee. When after all these years, I’ve been trying to think of what home really meant to me?”  My soul (my being) over the past four years, has had this tremendous longing for home, a tug at my heart to just to be home. 

At first, home to me meant; making a home with someone not the place but sharing life with someone, that was where my home was. Slowly it evolved into a searching, a calling you could say, from a sixth sense that somewhere in this great big universe, up in the sky, the stars, is a place that I came from that I call home. Of course, other then the earth itself. Then I moved onto the feeling that is was a place inside of me: a place of peacefulness and I take it with me wherever I go.

Today, I am thinking home is very much inside of me. It arises from the depths of your being if you allow it. Home is the people you are with, whether it is yourself, your relationship or partner, your friend, your coworker, even your pet. It is in ALL, in everything. Home is always that in which you can connect to and express outward to the universe. Home is that piece of you, the light inside that comes out wherever you are at in the moment, stirring and opening the heart to a place of peace.

This peacefulness that washes over you, this feeling I call home, could come in many ways. It can come from your connection to the simplest of things like:  taking depth breaths, being in mediation, laying in someones arms, sight of spastic doggy greetings, the creamy inside of a doughnut that soothes all your tastebuds, driving down the street on the block where you grew up as the sight of your family home emerges, a conversation with someone you really don’t know and smiles appear unexpectedly, a text message out of the blue from someone you care about who is thinking of you, rereading your written words that flowed easily onto a page, tingles from the sparks of your imagination, and from the warmth of a hot shower upon waking on a real cold morning. It is basically everything that makes you feel alive in that moment.

Home is what we are all really working towards, desiring, needing, seeking, striving, longing for. Home is the remembrance, an awakening of a knowingness inside, a familiarity, a calling, a connection, an emotion in ones psyche. The peeling away of blockages-the walls around our hearts, letting the light shine in, awakening home slowly, each time we experience the connection to it all that brings peace within, is home.

I know that is nirvana, that is heaven, that is the oneness, that is the light, that is the home inside all of us. I am so grateful for the things that remind me of the feeling of home; the people, the places, the treasured memories, the tangibles of life, the quietness of nature, the sharing of ones heart, the harmony from the oneness of it all, that’s home. Home is LOVE.

I Love You, I Hate You

I love you 

I hate you

I miss you

I can’t wait to get away from you.

I’m excited by you

I don’t want to be near you

I melt into you

I breathe when I’m away from you.

My imagination is full of you

I feel empty without you

The seconds are my own

The hours are yours.

My dreams give me courage

Your stares make me weak

Your voice is soothing

Your quietness haunts me.

You and I are confusing

Our love is simple

We are better alone

Our souls are one.

I love you

I hate you

I miss you

I am going away from you.

In My Own Little Corner, In My Own Little Chair...

Maybe it was partly due from growing up in a household being one of nine kids

but I often found myself drifting off into my imagination and becoming

a character from the books I’d read or the movies I would watch.

Fairy tales stories captivated me the most with Cinderella, being my favorite. 

I would sing over and over again Rodgers and Hammerstein’s song from the movie, 

“In my own little corner in my own little chair, I can be whatever I want to be.

On the wing of my fancy I can fly anywhere 

and the world will open it's arms to me…” 

That is why writing is so appealing to me.

I can easily escape into the world of 

the words and images magically flowing in my mind, where the world is wide open,

in my own little corner in my own little chair.

to be continued...