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Sunday, January 25, 2015

A Sunday Evening Hello ~10

January 19, 2015

Hello from NYC,
I’ve officially made it here in NYC! I will be starting a new job this week, getting a New York drivers license, and ordering some bank checks with my NYC address. My mind and body have yet to catch up to the good news. It is a whole new space for me to be in after two long and brutal years. So Whew!!! Many obstacles have been overcome, much suffering has been endured, and much has been given up to get to this point in my life where my personal calling is falling into place. A pure miracle!
What a journey! Many days have been a fight, a battle so to say, just to keep going.There have been repeated moments where I just wanted to crawl under my covers and hide from the fear after falling seven times and afraid to get up the eighth time. But I do and did from remembering and realizing all the obstacles I have overcome already, along with the miracles that have transpired. I gradually wipe my tears as I begin to open my eyes one at a time, taking a peek out from the covers at the beauty of my surroundings, constantly filling me with gratitude and all that has brought me to this place in time. 
I just got off the phone with my mom, sitting on my bed feeling kind of “wow”, some may not understand why I’m here, let alone in the biggest city of all NYC. To many, it would be the most unlikeliest of places for anyone to go to, and at my age. Those I have met here in the city and have gotten to know me, are rather floored at my bravery, calling me courageous! They look and me with envy, loaded with curiosity as to why I did it. Like maybe there is a secret I have, to a deep longing they too feel inside, but don’t know quite how to reach it themselves. Even acquaintances I meet while walking Penelope or conversing with them while I work are so intrigued, as if it is unheard of or maybe better yet, insane. There is no secret. Insanity? Maybe. This drive for more has always been a part of me since I was little. It is my personal calling, part of my path, my dream, that I just have the courage to confront. 
What is that calling, that path? This is something that you stake everything you have on, put your whole heart into, and yes be willing to make messy mistakes. Put on them "Big Girl" panties and have the courage to keep getting back up. When you follow your dream, the universe will conspire in your favor, this I know, for I have had many miraculous moments that have brought me to tears of “joy” like none I have ever known. Each time I get back up, throw my hands up in the air and ask “Now what am I suppose to do?” The answer comes. The euphoria and confidence within me are magnified a thousand fold from overcoming the defeats. As my dad would say, “It’ll put hair on your chest!” Well my chest is a complete fuzz ball by now except for the two droopy things that just lay dangling! 
I kept telling myself that it is OK to not know all the details of my dream. I just know and recognize there is a longing, bigger than I have known, with courage I didn't know was in me, to disinter the dream by taking tiny, little, leaps, skips, steps towards everything that excites me and NYC was it, calling me. Life does fall short at times. I have fallen short. Many of my steps have scared the bejesus out of me but at the same time excited me like a little kid. The next time I write, I’ll share some of the scary parts of my adventure that Miss Penelope has been a part of too. 
I have a dream that one day, I will contribute to the hearts of many, to teach about love from a grandeur perspective, and unleash the definition of love. 
I have begun the journey of writing and embracing the nature of the energy, the purity, the life force that a child still has, through my stories, where I have an extremely diverse set of characters that are here to teach and hold the vision for a beautiful world where everyone takes care of each other, where there is more than enough resources for everyone.
What is your dream?
Until next time, with great big hugs and love,
Jane and Penelope
Thank you, MLK!