Only as I keep getting older do I truly understand and embrace the beauty of motherhood. Being child number 8 leaves me the beauty of being part of the second wind of motherhood or the experience of the eighth time around which comes with advantages I’m sure, no more deer in headlights or what do we do with this one or lets perfect and correct from experience, but more of a live and breathe mode as life was up and running with the previous seven. My honorable spot was being seated to your left at dinner time, perched on the couch during every riveting soap opera event, and observant of your attention to detail in every task all the way to the way you wrapped presents, nothing went done without care and a touch of love added to it.
I have drifted in and out throughout all my 53 years as your baby girl, your Eliza Dolittle…Jane Elizabeth on some occasions, staying in touch, extending my love and more times than not needing yours. With my life being distant not only in what I shared, but in miles too, often left me in tears at all our goodbyes in person and on the phone. I have learned, I have felt, I have treasured the place in my heart where I can tap into quite easily, the space filled with immense love for you. It leaves me breathless at times, and made my heart swell to the brim over the last year or two with my move to New York City. Two people believed in my journey without a doubt, without hesitation, and YOU are the biggest cheerleader of the two. Yes, you mom, who has been always there, always cheering me on, always in all ways, extending your love, I just didn’t quite believe I could or should deserve it. You were there for me when I was ready to receive your love.
With my eyes wide open in utter joy, I have walked the streets of New York City with you, conversing over the phone every step of the way, sharing in the wonderment that life has come to for me. Expressing what I see and feel with you has heightened my experiences here. Oh, what joy I have when I drop my little tidbits of journal writing in the mail to you, all the way to Park Forest, home, home where I know I can always find you. The pleasure you share with me over each and every one has brought even more of an appreciation to my life, for my life. Not only do I look at New York with brand new eyes, in the array of wonderment with each step, each energetic pulse the city has to offer, but I bring you with me, in my thoughts, in those conversations in my head, which sometimes come to you with a phone call or in a letter, but more times than not in my wonders…I wonder what mom would think, I bet she would love this, I know she would love to hear about this one, to the most often felt emotion…I wish she was here with me right now.
I am so thankful for you in ways I’ve come to know as a woman, as a mother, as a teacher, as a writer, as an adventurer seeking out her life's calling, a sense of you always with me, a part of me in all I do. Thank you for walking along side me. Thank you for upholding me when the weight of the world seemed to consuming. Thank you for your spirit, your soul, you and birthing me into being. Thank you mom. I love you. Happy Mother’s Day from your number eighth child of nine.
ps… I wish you were here with me right now.
Jane Elizabeth, Eliza Dolittle
May 3, 2016