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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

A Sunday Evening Hello ~8

December 7, 2014

“How many days?”
I have had such terrible separation anxiety over having to leave my laptop behind at the biggest, most expansive, cube building right smack dab in the middle of New York! So what, huh? Ok. Next door to FAO Swartz? Kiddie corner from Central Park? Well??? It was for a whole week!
Everything on my laptop was coming to a slooooow, slooooow motionless pause that even the Apple support guy said, after two hours of chatting away, almost forgetting what we were doing, “Time for surgical repair ASAP.” The best news of all…it would be on Apple at NO cost. Hallelujah! So here I am writing to you from a brand new laptop, that zips about quicker than Santa on his sleigh! 
To what is really in my heart at that moment was the miracle and the grandeur knowing that the steering of this ship, I call Jane in NY, is out of my hands. If I could just describe the awe inspiring, stirring within my soul, as I looked about at the expansiveness of the city, still star struck, after climbing up the spiral glass stairs of the Apple Store(with my new laptop) out onto the streets of NY, being an emotional fullness that I could hardly contain. I did as what I have been finding myself doing more and more frequently, I called my mom. 
As I was telling the tale of my latest adventure, I began to share with her my surroundings as we both walked almost hand in hand over the next hour along Central Park West, past the Plaza Hotel, to Columbus Circle and all around the Holiday Market, chatting away. We giggle and laughed at many things as I was in the best company a girl in NY could have, my mom.
My mom. How would you describe the feeling I feel towards her? Somewhat indescribable. I have to say I’ve fallen love with my mom all over again. I had an infinity for her as a child with the terrible separation anxiety episodes then too, with having to go to Kindergarten and the deep desires to skip class when I would come home for lunch getting all wrapped up in her soap operas, just so I could spend time with her.
She has become my biggest supporter, a voice that always expresses to me what it is I am living, without me requiring or even asking for a thing. Selfishly, I am soaking it all up and knowingly, I know that voice has been there all along, I just haven't been willing to share so much of myself with her over the years. Our mother’s opinion always matters and hits a chord welcomed or not. I am no longer afraid to share in the loving exchange one way or the other.
“I am so proud of you. You are finally living the life you always wanted and where you belong.” (Little does she know or maybe she does, but there is still one more place in this lifetime for me to be.) “Have you made any friends yet?” Yep, that’s my mom. “I love you, my baby girl.”
“I love you bunches too mama.” I can never say those six words without choking up.
Just having her know that I am OK is everything to her. I know from that place that calls inside of me about my own children, it is all that is needed to know. That I am OK.
Until next time, 
Jane and Penelope